C'est Belle

from A Jolly Affair

Heeding Advice

January 29, 2009 at 12:46 pm · Filed under Self Discovery, Writing

I’m sure everyone has been offered advice at some point in time, even when you didn’t ask for it. When all goes well, great, but the problem comes when the advice goes wrong or doesn’t solve the problem. Now who is to be blamed? The advisor, or the “advisee”?

For anyone to dispense advice, it goes to show that he is willing to have a personal stake in our problems when really he doesn’t have to. Just because the advice is there doesn’t mean you have to take it.

Most people who give advice do it based on their past experiences (I wouldn’t do it if I were you), based on their own preferences (I would buy red instead of blue) and/or based on their own prejudices (She is a cunning/lying/(fill in your own adjective) bitch). How much this applies to our situation is almost like reading about our daily/monthly horoscopes. Is this really going to happen to all the Libras in the world? Is this really going to work for me?

Perhaps we are all afraid to make mistakes, afraid to make decisions, afraid to live with the consequences of a wrong move. That is why we seek other people’s opinions, we ask for advice, hoping to avoid other people’s mistakes, hoping to learn from other people’s lessons so that our lives will be smooth sailing. But I’ve come to realise that we learn the most when the going gets tough. We develop strengths, principles, values when things don’t go our way. That is why we just have to trust our own instincts and values to do the thing that works for us.

If we fail, we learn, but at least we are responsible for the making of ourselves.

10 Comments »

  Karen wrote @ January 29, 2009 at 1:20 pm

I feel that to advise is easy but how often do we really give advice to ourselves? How often do we feel just “Maybe i should ask So & so”..but the best advice i have followed for myself is trust yourself and just do it. If we fail, we learn. Nothing is foolproof. Things happen for a reason and we learn from them. So now each time a friend ask me for advice, i will tell them “Trust your own gut feel. No one can advise u better than yourself”

Reply
  Belle wrote @ January 29, 2009 at 8:50 pm

Good point. Well perhaps everyone has to be responsible for making the decision, whether to heed others’ advice or not, because after all the decision still lies in our own hands.

^.^v
Take care!

Reply
  Nic wrote @ January 31, 2009 at 1:10 am

I personally feel that in some ways, people seek advice not only to escape the brunt of any negative consequences, but also to bring comfort to themselves? Just sharing your anxieties with a third party would already lighten our burden a lot. Therefore, regardless of whether or not a decision has been made at the end of it all, you would feel a great deal better than before.
.
In any case, I feel that it depends on the situation, sometimes you follow your heart/gut-feeling, sometimes you follow the advice of an experienced elder. Life is never the same for any one, but advice does help iron out a few things here and there. Instincts do help too…but well, Life is made up of trial and errors. No one thing would work for us all the time. Adaptability is the key to survival. Just my 2 cents’ worth…out of point here but Happy CNY! :)

Reply
  Wen Hao wrote @ February 3, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Ever heard of “every dog has its day” ?

Some ppl are lucky to be able to receive advice fr ppl frequently whereas some hv to make a voluminous errors before realizing many values & principles in this big big world. However to me, ppl with the latter are considered very unlucky ones becoz by the time they developed strengths, principles and whatever values, ten to one, they already missed out plenty of good things in this beautiful world. Maybe one-of-a-lifetime opportunity to excel in his/her career? Or the freedom of youth? So, to me, ppl who always seek advice in order to cruise well in this world are not afraid (like wat u say), but CLEVER ppl instead!

Still we can acquire those precious values in life from old folks or in books! Self-experiencing would make everything you’ve learnt looks more memorable if not precious, but after weighing it pros & cons, I fundamentally believe that seeking advices is the best policy.

Take care,
W3N H@0

Reply
  Pansy wrote @ June 16, 2009 at 3:16 pm

Why don’t you want to put a tagboard?

Reply
  joannepeh wrote @ July 1, 2009 at 8:13 pm

Dear Pansy,

Because there is none available.

Joanne

Reply
  Joseph wrote @ June 20, 2009 at 12:03 am

Hi, greetings.. I don’t know what is your background of belief, but for me, I give and get advice from the bible. The word of God is so living that it often becomes a live “rhema” to me in times of dire need. I perceive that you are someone who has a lot to offer in thoughts. Just dropping by, and hope you have a blessed day. God bless you, Joseph

Reply
  Trini wrote @ June 28, 2009 at 8:12 pm

What you wrote made absolute sense. However, it’s just that we are so afraid to make mistakes sometimes that we really have to turn to others for advice. Especially when the wrong decision is made more than once, than you become more obssessed with looking for help than to continue trying. As the saying goes ‘one bitten, twice shy”, right? This is something really true,especially for me since ive experienced so many times before. However, it just seems infuriating how sometimes others’ advice doesnt seem to work too. Those are the desperate moments :(

Reply
  P wrote @ July 6, 2009 at 3:26 pm

“But I’ve come to realise that we learn the most when the going gets tough. We develop strengths, principles, values when things don’t go our way…”

This is so true. It would have been nice if we, along with those others who replied in this post, can discuss more of this. But I highly doubt it — because this entry has been posted abit over six months ago. Anyway, I still hope you can read all of these replies.

Good day to you Joanne. :)

Reply
  GK wrote @ August 4, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Joanne, I really have no advice for you. In life, what you aspire to be can sometime be different from what you are doing now. But what you maybe doing now can also bring you to what you aspire to be someday.

Yesterday I met an interesting person and he asks me one question. He said ‘What does it take for someone to be one cut above the rest of the people in life.’ I gave all kind of answers like academic and intellectual capabilities, guts, past experiences and achievement. Well, he said ‘No’. Then I thought for a little while, and I said ‘Passion and Imagination’. Then he said ‘Correct’.

I stongly believe that if you have ‘Passion and a Strong sense of Imagination in your mind’, you will succeed in everything that is on your plate. And the higher you go up the ladder of success, the greater the ‘Passion and the Imagination’ that is needed to get one going.

When your ‘Passion and Imagination’ died, everything we do is just mandane and has no sense of accomplishment to ourselves and to people around us.

I think you are a bold, gutsful and easy-going person after seeing your JetStar advertisement, someone that is so different from the character of Yuzhu in the Little Nyonya. Well, I am yet to see your new drama if it is different from Yuzhu.

Honestly, the character of Yuzhu is not a very encouraging one and also not realistic because if yuzhu has been staying in London since young, she should be more bold and able to deal with her situation in The Little Nyonya, contradictory to your personality I supposed.

Well, you have great potential of being outstanding. I am giving a fair assessment and not being bias in anyway.

May God bless you.

Reply

Your comment

HTML-Tags:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <pre> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>